All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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