Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
