I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
