I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize