grandma shit on top of the toilet
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
