well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
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My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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