then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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