They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
