i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
