When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
