I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
