someone get that fucking seahorse.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
