I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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