I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
