the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
