Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
