guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
