i permit you to call me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
