Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
