My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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