I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
