Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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