Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
