Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
