they're like a gay fantastic four
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
