At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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