and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
