Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
