K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
