All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
