So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
