I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
