I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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