you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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