If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
