Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
