I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
