I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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