Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
