i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
