The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
