i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
