you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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