hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
