It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
