Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
