She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
