Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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