just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
