In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
