Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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