Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
