we have officially lost it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
