Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
