just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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