Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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