i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
