Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
