I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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